


Vulnerability

by Sirius04L



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Crack Treated Seriously, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Hurt James T. Kirk, Hurt Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Hurt Spock (Star Trek), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:21:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25693474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sirius04L/pseuds/Sirius04L
Summary: James T. Kirk takes his role as Captain seriously. His crew has to trust him to keep them safe and to get them home - they have to see him as strong. And he has to protect himself. Jim won't let himself be hurt again. He can't be weak, he can't be vulnerable. Not even in front of his best friend.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 48





	1. A Doctor's Promise

**Author's Note:**

> So like the previous story I posted, this was written a long time ago. I went through and caught some of the errors, but I'm sure there are plenty that I missed. 
> 
> Some parts of this a pretty crack-y and they are definitely OOC for parts. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Vulnerability was not something befitting of a Starship Captain. The crew could not see him in a moment of weakness, no matter what caused it. That was why James T. Kirk hid his pain away, even from his best friend. He could be beaten, bruised, stabbed, or shot and he would never let on about his condition until he was found out. His crew admired him for his strength and dedication; they knew he was putting them before himself. No one saw it as a weakness, no one questioned that he would take care of them and keep them safe.

Jim knew he had to keep that face in place in order to keep the respect that he had fought so hard to earn. And as said before, no matter what he was going through, physically or mentally, he would push it into the back of his mind to be dealt with privately. To him, being vulnerable was a weakness, and James T. Kirk was anything but weak.

He went through hell as a child and soon learned that when he cried or showed an ounce of pain that his tormentor was encouraged. Jim was small but smart. He took the abuse and showed nothing, just waited till it was over and he could hide in the barn loft until he was ready to face the world. As he got older he learned to hide it quicker, and soon it took no effort at all. His mask fell into place and no one could tell that something had happened to the young man.

Well almost no one. There was only one person that could truly read James Kirk, and that one person was his Doctor and his best friend, Leonard "Bones" McCoy. Only he could see the pain that was hidden deep in the clear blue eyes, only he could see when his friend was hurting. McCoy never pushed him to reveal the information because he knew that Jim would just close up, so he just patched him back together physically knowing that when Jim was ready, he would be there to fix him mentally.

After his divorce, Jim was the first good thing to happen to him. As weird as it seemed to him, McCoy was drawn to Jim; his confident manner, his smile, bright blue eyes, lean body. Everything about Jim fascinated him and he wanted to know more. He was in love with Jim Kirk.

He never told anyone, never showed any of this outwardly, especially to Jim. McCoy suffered silently and soon learned to be content with being Jim's friend and right hand man.

As usual, when things were quiet in the sickbay Chief Medical Officer McCoy would sit at his desk thinking about his best friend when there were no pressing matters to attend to. He leaned back in his chair and tried to work the pieces of the Jim Kirk puzzle together in his mind when he was brought out of his thoughts by an all too familiar beep.

"Spock to Doctor McCoy."

"McCoy here, what can I do for ya Spock?" McCoy laughed to himself as he pictured the emotionless half-Vulcan roll his eyes.

"The Captain left his shift a few minutes ago after receiving a private message from Star Fleet. Seeing as this is a very rare occurrence, I was wondering if you had seen the Captain."

McCoy frowned and leaned on his desk, "No I haven't. I'll take care of it Spock." He barely noticed that the transmission ended. Something was up, but he couldn't press Jim for the matter. He couldn't push the man that he cared for away; he was all Jim really had.

Once his shift was over he ate in the mess hall and made his way to his room, which was close to Jim's. McCoy was happy about this. It was easy to check up on Jim when he needed to, and he felt good knowing the man was so close to him. He showered and changed into some casual clothes when he heard another beep.

"McCoy here." He was startled at the voice that answered him.

"Bones? You busy?"

He shook his head forgetting that Jim couldn't see him. "No…why Jim, what's up?"

Even over the speaker he could feel the hesitation that was emanating from Jim. Something was beyond wrong if Jim was calling him and he could sense this kind of desperation in his voice.

"Can you come to my room? The door's open."

"I'll be right there Jim." he said and ended the transmission. He ran his fingers through his damp hair and made sure he looked presentable before walking down the hall way.

Just as Jim said the door was open and he walked in to see Jim sitting at the small table, a drink in his hand and his gold Captain's shirt tossed to the side. "Bones." he said smiling gently and put a drink on the table for him.

McCoy sat down and watched Jim. He sipped the drink and smirked, "Strong stuff Jim."

A shadow of the familiar smirk was sent his way. "Sometimes situations call for it." Jim lapsed into silence again and McCoy waited for Jim to speak. Hell, if sitting there helped Jim then he would sit there for hours.

"She's dead."

McCoy looked at Jim, "Who's dead?"

Jim looked at his drink, swirling it around in the cup before downing the rest of it in one large gulp. "My mom."

Silently, McCoy took in Jim's features as he spoke. "She hung herself." Jim's voice was weak, but his grip on the glass was getting tighter. "I mean of all the ways to do it she picked that? And she did this to herself because of him."

McCoy knew who he was talking about Frank, his step father. The man had treated Jim horribly as a child and that was about all he knew. He had made guesses that Frank was the reason Jim was scared of water and so withdrawn when it came to certain things.

"She loved him more than me, more than Sam. She didn't believe me when I told her that he hit me, held me under water till I almost passed out. She was so blinded because she thought she found someone to replace Dad.

"I thought she would be better off when the bastard died. She called to tell me and I had to try so hard not to smile. She…she told me she didn't know if she could survive Frank dying, not after losing my Dad. Frank died two months ago. I guess she was even more blind than I thought she was."

McCoy watched Jim and realized he had never seen Jim so open, so vulnerable. He knew it was taking everything Jim had to talk, but it had become too much and he could see the tears welling in his eyes. Wordlessly, he reached out and took Jim's hand in his. He gave a warm and comforting smile to his friend and Captain. He was internally relieved when he saw relief on Jim's face. Jim trusted him enough to see him like this, this was another thing Jim didn't have to worry about in front of McCoy.

"Come on Jim, let's get you ready for bed and I'll stay with you for a while ok?"

At first Jim was hesitant, McCoy could see that but soon a look of thanks and need was on his face, "Thanks Bones." Jim changed while McCoy picked the place up a bit. He sat on the bed as Jim walked over. The Captain bit his lip.

"It's alright Jim, I'll keep quiet."

"I know Bones." he said and slipped under the covers.

McCoy watched him, fighting the urge to run his fingers through Jim's hair. He let his arm wrap around Jim's shoulders when the younger man rested his head against his chest. He soon felt Jim's body shaking with silent sobs and he held him tighter.

"I gotcha Jim." he whispered, keeping their bodies close.

"You're all I have left Bones." he finally said. He looked up and McCoy felt his heart break at the look of trust and vulnerability in the blue eyes.

He leaned down and kissed his forehead, "And I will always be there."

Jim swallowed and shifted so he was at the same level as McCoy, "Promise?"

McCoy nodded, "Promise."

Jim smiled softly and leaned up pressing his lips to McCoy's. he closed his eyes and moved closer to his friend.

McCoy froze, knowing it was wrong, he shouldn't, he couldn't take advantage of Jim like this. But it felt so good. His will broke and he felt himself returning the kiss and pulling the slightly smaller Jim Kirk to him. The kiss remained gentle and McCoy could taste the tears that had been falling.

When they pulled apart he found himself staring into trusting and pleading eyes. "Still promise?" Jim asked, his voice just a whisper.

Smiling warmly McCoy nodded, "Still promise."

He laid down and held Jim who kissed him again before resting his head on McCoy's chest. McCoy played with his hair thinking to himself, Let's see how you feel about this in the morning Jim.


	2. Physicals

Jim started waking up the next morning, only to find himself surrounded by a warm feeling. Smiling gently and still feeling exhausted, he moved into the comfort that warmth provided. It was only after he felt said warmth move that he opened his eyes.

Laying next to him, sound asleep, was McCoy and that was enough for the onslaught of memories to come back to him. He remembered the message he received from Star Fleet; his mother was dead by her own hands and he thought he had no one left. He still had no one left. Not after the stunt he pulled with McCoy. But, he reminded himself, Bones kissed him back and what a fucking amazing kiss it was.

Jim rested his head on McCoy's chest and let his gaze rest on the man's face. For years Jim had tried to lie to himself, there was no way he could be attracted to McCoy. One he was a man (and after Frank had made it clear what happened to guys like that…), two he was a few years older than he was, and three, and most importantly, McCoy was a doctor. Jim hated doctors. Doctors could not be trusted, yet something about McCoy, whether it was him declaring he might throw up on Jim or that roguish smile and bark-like laugh, Jim couldn't help but trust him. But trust didn't mean he was attracted to him, Jim had spent his academy years building up his reputation to prove it to himself. Settling wasn’t for him - he was content to flit from person to person.

But now that he was lying next to McCoy, wrapped in his arms he felt safe, wanted, even loved for the first time in his life. Jim knew he didn't just want sex from McCoy, though that would be a definite plus, but he was content in just laying with him. Relishing in the moment, Jim snuggled into the firm chest before McCoy would wake up and push him away.

He thought about the kiss again. McCoy had kissed him back but Jim knew there was nothing real behind the kiss. He felt pity for Jim and nothing else; McCoy had been married…to a woman. Jim sighed and closed his eyes, pulling McCoy closer to him.

"Jim?" a raspy voice called.

Not wanting to end the moment before he had to Jim kept his eyes closed and pretended to be asleep.

McCoy smiled and kissed Jim's head, yawning gently. "What're we gonna do with you?"

Jim let the warmth in McCoy's voice wash over him. This was a side of the good Doctor that he had only seen once before. While Jim loved the rough and sarcastic side of Bones, this warm side was welcomed once in a while. The last time he had seen this was when Jim came back from the Narada alive.

McCoy shifted and kissed Jim's lips before getting up slowly. Maybe it would be better if he was gone when Jim woke up. It had already taken enough out of Jim to open up; he knew Jim would not want McCoy hanging around him in the morning.

As soon as McCoy was out of the bed Jim opened his eyes watching him. His blue eyes watched as the Doctor walked to the bathroom and splashed chilled water on his face. Taking his chance Jim walked in after him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Jim was in over his head, his cockiness was out the window when he was alone with Bones.

"You made me a promise." he said softly. Jim felt McCoy tense and relax into his arms.

"I know, I intend to keep it as long as you want me to."

Jim smirked, a light flickering in his eyes as he rested his head on McCoy's shoulder. He looked at the two of them in the mirror, "No matter what it entails?" Slowly and ran his hands under McCoy's shirt.

"No matter what." he turned around and faced the younger man smirking. He leaned down capturing Jim's lips pulling back just when Jim really started responding to the kiss. "Shower and change. You need to eat something so meet me in the mess hall in…twenty minutes."

Jim pouted and folded his arms, "I'm not a kid Bones."

He smirked, "Sure kid…sure." McCoy walked to the door but stopped when Jim called his name. He turned and faced Jim, "Yeah?"

"Well…what are we?"

McCoy leaned against the wall, "Whatever you want us to be Jim, whatever you want us to be." He smirked and walked out the door and to his room.

Twenty minutes later, in his uniform and cleaned up Jim walked to the mess hall with his brilliant and blinding grin in place. He;d used his time away from McCoy to try and get his thoughts in order. Even for him he was bouncing back and forth so fast it was hard to see straight. He wanted to be with McCoy, he didn’t. He needed the man, then he didn’t. Jim was a pro at lying to himself - maybe, just this once, he could have what he wanted. 

He saw McCoy grabbing their breakfast. Smirking, the plan came into his mind. So, they were whatever Jim wanted them to be were they? Once McCoy was sitting he walked over pushing him so he was lying on the bench.

"Jim what're you doing?" he asked his eyes wide but Jim could see the desire in his eyes.

"Didn't know you liked being dominated, Bones." he said straddling his waist kissing him deeply. He pinned the Doctor's hands down, people gasping as they watched the kiss unfold.

Jim finally pulled back and smirked as McCoy whined, "Oh just wait, I am so not done with you yet." He got off of him and sat across from him and ate.

McCoy growled, grouchy now that the kiss had been ended and everyone was staring at him. "Dammit Jim, I'm a Doctor not a piece of meat. How in the hell are these people supposed to respect me as their Chief Medical Officer if I get the Captain's tongue forced down my throat?"

Jim laughed, popping a home-fry into his mouth. "Who knows, now that you're mine their respect might actually go up."

"Highly doubtful." McCoy muttered, his eyes on Jim.

"I think you're frustrated." Jim said, his blue eyes glinting in the light. "You want more."

McCoy got up and smirked running his finger along the tip of Jim's ear, "I don't think I'm the only one." He smirked and felt Jim's gaze follow him out the door. McCoy made his way to sickbay and saw that the mess hall incident was already making its way around the ship.

He was actually closing up a gash on an ensign from engineering when he heard Jim's voice come across the ship's communication system.

"This is your Captain speaking. I would just like to update you all on a recent event and the terms that apply to it."

McCoy froze, "He's not." he hurried to the communicator and pressed the button, "Jim don't you - "

"The ship's Chief Medical Officer, Dr. McCoy is no longer single. In fact he is now claimed by me. Anyone that attempts to make any advances on Dr. McCoy will be duly punished. Kirk out."

McCoy growled and hit the button again, "Dammit Jim, did you have to announce it to every bloody person on the ship?"

He could hear Jim's laugh in the forefront of other's on the bridge. "You're mine. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew."

"You are so dead Jim. Spock?"

"Yes Doctor?" the monotone voice came in reply.

"Are there any pressing matters that Jim needs to see to within the next couple hours?"

After a moment of checking the schedule in his head he responded once again, "No Doctor there are not any."

"Keep Jim there till I get to the bridge." He ended the transmission and grabbed a hypo and entered the lift. Jim wanted to torture him, well McCoy could torture back. As soon as he stepped out of the lift and Jim caught sight of the hypo he frowned.

"Aw, come on Bones." he groaned backing out of the chair. The rest of the bridge looked on, smirks on their faces while Spock raised his eyebrow in amusement.

"You've been putting off a physical Jim. Doctor's orders." he said waving the hypo in a threatening manner. "You know I have that power." McCoy smirked and kept stalking Jim around the bridge, Spock standing guard at the lift door. The other bridge crew members couldn't help but laugh at the Captain's antics.

"Bones come on. I was just pointing out a fact. No one gets to touch you but me."

McCoy raised his own eyebrow, high enough to challenge Spock. "Think people are gonna start pursuing me now?"

"How could they…OW!"

Bones smirked holding the empty hypo near Jim's neck. "Let's go."

"I don't wanna," he said pouting but his body didn't protest as Bones dragged him to sickbay.

"Ever messed around while high on one of my hypo's Jim?"

He shook his head a stupid smile appearing on his face as the drugs set in. "No."

"Too bad you won't be feeling it today. It's amazing."

Jim looked up at him as he was put on a biobed. "You have."

Bones smirked and started scanning him, "Doctor's privilege."

Jim frowned and went through the physical as the drug wore off. McCoy smiled, "See I win. You may have some power over me, but I have my power over you. No one will touch you when they know what I can do to them."

Jim smirked and put his hands behind his head laying his body out for McCoy to admire. "Mine." he said smirking, waving the hypo and laughed as Jim flinched.


	3. Raccoon Whisperer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know I wrote this years ago, but the title is oddly fitting. Tuesday morning (like 2am) my dogs started going crazy. I get out of bed, put my glasses on, grab my weapon just in case...and there's a damn raccoon in my living room. This is the second time that this has happened. Freaking thing came in through my doggy door. Took me a while but I got it to leave through a window - so thankful because I really didn't want to have to go the other route.

Jim was excited because they finally had a mission. After weeks of cruising around and mapping stars they had a mission. A new planet was found and they were to investigate. The only signs of life were that of animals and flora so it should be simple. But simple was still a mission.

Jim had decided that it would be himself, Spock, McCoy, and two ensigns from the science department that would beam to the surface. Where they beamed down to seemed to be a paradise. The ground team was surrounded by fruit and flower bearing trees, birds and other animals were buzzing with life around them. All of them, Spock included, took a moment to take in the beauty around them.

McCoy took a step closer to Jim and smiled at him. It had been a long time since he had seen a place so relaxing. He pictured himself somewhere in a California forest, or maybe even a rainforest somewhere. Finally they could have a trouble free mission and just look around and gather the basic facts and makeup of the planet to report back.

The team split up, all going their separate ways except for McCoy and Kirk. On the ship they didn't get much alone time during the day, and when they did they never got to enjoy something like this together. The two walked side by side, taking in the sights and smells of the place. Occasionally McCoy would stop and investigate something to see if it had any medical value, but the majority of their time was spent laughing at the other's expense and trying to figure out what they were going to do that evening.

"You know we could always watch some dirty holo and…"

"Nice try Jim. I told you I'm holding out on you. I like to make you squirm."

"Come on Bones. Neither of us has been laid in forever. "

"Nope."

Jim smirked and pressed McCoy against a tree, "Please Bones." he whispered. His voice was low and husky. He placed a kiss at the hollow of McCoy's throat smirking when the Doctor let out a low moan.

"N-no." he whispered. He almost melted when Jim let out a whine and nipped at his collar bone. "Jim…" he forced out only to have his lips captured by the man he was trying to resist. McCoy started to pull away, intending on lecturing him about playing while they were on duty when he felt Jim's tongue enter his mouth.

He dropped the tricorder he was holding and wrapped his arms around Jim's waist. Damn him for tasting so good he thought as he pulled their bodies together. Slowly his hands crept up the back on Jim's shirt and he ran his fingers over the smooth skin. He pulled his lips away from Jim's and placed gentle nips and kisses along his neck eliciting a moan from Jim.

Jim found himself getting tangled in the McCoy's web and loved every minute of it. "Bones…" he moaned gently. He smirked when he felt a tug at his shirt and wanted say something sarcastic but seductive when he was lifted off the ground and into the tree. "BONES!"

McCoy looked up, his face shocked at what he saw. Jim was hanging from the mouth of what McCoy decided was a raccoon on some pretty damn good steroids. The thing was at least the size of a bear and looked like he could be just as vicious. "Dammit Jim how do you get into these things?" he called up.

"I planned this." he said sarcastically, "Thought it would make for some great foreplay."

"Shit…" McCoy pulled his communicator out calling Spock as he ran after the creature as it leapt from branch to branch with Jim hanging from its teeth. He winced as Jim's side hit some of the branches.

He watched as the creature jumped down and made its way into an extremely shallow cave, shallow enough to where McCoy could see inside and get a good view of everything. The creature had a battered looking Jim on the ground and was sniffing at the scratches on Jim's face and back.

Spock came running up along with the other two science officers. "What happened?"

McCoy’s face was flushed from run so his blush remained hidden, "Jim and I were busy and all of a sudden that thing had him."

"Do you know what the animal wants with the Captain?"

"How in the hell am I supposed to know? I'm a doctor not a…raccoon whisperer." he growled. "We just need to get Jim away from it. He might have some fractured ribs or something. He hit a few branches on the way here."

Spock nodded and walked towards the entrance of the shelter slowly. The creature, smelling and sensing Spock looked up and growled. It's hand hit Jim hard enough to send him into the stone wall and then it took a defensive stance against Spock.

"Fascinating."

"What's so fascinating about that thing hurting Jim?!" McCoy demanded, his temper and concern making for one angry and agitated doctor.

"The creature appears to have taken an interest in Jim. I believe it finds Jim suitable."

"Suitable? For what?"

"I am not sure Doctor. It is highly protective of Jim, perhaps maternal or…"

"You have got to be joking me." McCoy said groaning. Go figure some alien/animal would take a romantic interest in Jim.

McCoy looked at the cave again and sighed, "Jim you ok?"

"Peachy keen." he called back, but McCoy could hear the pain in his voice. The animal or whatever it was may be protective of Jim but didn't realize just what it could do to harm him.

"Captain," Spock called out, "Try moving away from it and coming towards us."

The four listened as they heard Jim shuffle from behind the creature. The young ensigns were scanning the creature to see what it was, but they were too interested in studying what is was doing with their Captain.

Bandit, the name McCoy was giving to the raccoon looking creature, heard Jim move and turned its head to look at him. Jim gave a feeble smile and went to move out slowly but it's tail hit him in the chest and sent him to the ground.

"I do not believe that will work."

"Obviously." muttered McCoy. "Jim what hurts? What's bleeding?"

"Well…I think I have a bite on my back from when it grabbed me, but other wise I feel fine."

"Can you turn around so I can see the bite?"

Jim turned around and lifted his shirt up, the creature watching him silently. McCoy bit his lip and could see strips of skin hanging down and revealing the muscle and other tissue that was supposed to be beneath it.

"Take your shirt off and ball it up. Lean against the wall and put pressure on, we need to stop the bleeding. DO NOT LET THAT THING LICK YOU!" He roared.

"It feels good." Jim murmured but he moved away and did what McCoy said. "Bones I'm tired."

"Don't sleep Jim, stay awake." He looked at Spock. "He's losing blood, I need to get him back to the ship."

Spock nodded studying the creature and the readings that the young ensigns had gathered. "I think I know how to get the creature away from the Captain." Spock said.

"Oh, and what is that?" McCoy fired back.

Spock looked around picking up a rock and hurled it at the raccoon-like creature. The creature let out a shriek when the rock hit it and ran away.

McCoy looked over and saw a pale and shaky Jim fall to the ground, blood still leaking from the wound on his back.


	4. Just a Little Longer

The Doctor watched as Jim fell to the ground and he felt frozen to the spot. He could still hear the creature running and heard the creak of a tree as it jumped into it. After that, though the sound faded, he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that the creature wasn't as gone as he would like it to be. McCoy got paler when he heard Jim groan; if Jim was complaining then something was definitely wrong.

"Doctor, I suggest you go to the Captain now. The rock merely scared the creature away, it will come back for Jim." Spock said watching.

McCoy nodded his gaze fixed on Jim and the blood that was pouring out of the bite. He jogged over kneeling down next to Jim's body, "How ya doing Jim?"

He bit his lip when Jim looked up at him out of cloudy eyes and he could tell blood loss was setting in. "Just lie still." he said and finished tearing the shirt off of Jim inspecting the bite. He touched the skin and found it was burning hot and felt Jim flinch under him.

McCoy looked up at Spock when he felt the presence at his side, "We need to get to the ship now." he said. He pulled off his uniform shirt so that he was left in his black undershirt making a makeshift bandage.

Spock pulled out his communicator calling the ship while McCoy tried to stop the bleeding. Jim reached for something and grabbed onto McCoy's thigh. McCoy could feel Jim's fingers digging into his leg. He applied the pressure and Jim literally screamed.

The last thing he heard before he saw Spock hitting the wall behind him was a feral sounding growl. He pulled Jim's body to him and backed into the wall as the creature stalked towards them.

"No!" Jim growled looking at the raccoon-thingy.

McCoy looked at Spock, then Jim, and then the creature. At Jim's yell the creature stopped and stared at the three of them, it's eyes were a bright orange and McCoy noticed the coloring was different than a raccoon too, but only slightly. The blacks and grey were lighter and almost metallic looking. Slowly McCoy moved to get in front of his injured friends.

"Bones no." Jim said, pulling him back as the animal lashed out with its front claws. Jim hissed when they grazed his chest. The animal looked sad and went towards Jim slowly. "Bones check on Spock."

It was taking all Jim had to stay standing up and awake. His blue eyes stayed on the creature as he listened to McCoy work.

"He'll be fine Jim, just a bump on the head." He said standing behind Jim. "I need to look at you, you've lost too much blood."

"I'm fine." he said softly, keeping his gaze on the creature. "You're sure Spock is going to be ok."

"I am fine Captain." Spock said getting to his feet.

"You know Spock you really shouldn't speak out of turn, it's a bad habit." Jim said smirking.

"Perhaps you should let Dr. McCoy look at you, Captain."

"I…I'm fine." he muttered, falling back. McCoy caught him and sat with him. "See, perfectly fine."

McCoy sighed and applied pressure to his back and chest to the best of his ability. He pulled further back as the creature came closer again. "No." Jim growled and the creature stopped. "Spock can you meld with it?"

"I can try Captain." Spock made his way closer, Jim still urging the beast to stay still.

He closed his eyes as Spock melded with the raccoon and started to get dizzy. Jim barely felt McCoy put his hand on his chest and instruct him to breathe in time with him. He nodded gently letting his head rest against the strong chest behind him.

"Anytime now Spock." McCoy growled.

It wasn't long after that Spock pulled away from the creature, it's eyes sadder than before. "It has agreed to let us leave with the Captain. She was only trying to protect the Captain from the pain she thought you were causing him."

"We were just…" He remembered Jim's moan and blushed. The creature thought he had been hurting Jim. McCoy cleared his throat and maneuvered Jim out into the open, "Let's get to the ship."

Only seconds after he said that to Spock he saw the pale grey walls of the transporter room. Spock lifted Jim off the ground and carried him to sickbay, McCoy at his heels. "Lay him on the bed."

McCoy went to work on cleaning Jim up and getting a transfusion started. In the end it didn't really take him that long to patch Jim up, but he was still worried about him. He sat next to Jim and watched the color return to his face and his heartbeat and breathing level out. McCoy let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding and walked to his office to fill out the report on what happened.

Thirty minutes later he was still staring at his blank PADD, his mind going back to what Spock said. The creature thought that he was hurting Jim; he knew that he would never do such a thing but in the back of his mind he felt the doubt.

Spock walked in and checked on Jim before walking into Dr. McCoy's office, "I take it the Captain is recovering sufficiently?"

McCoy jumped at the voice and looked up, "Yeah Spock, he'll be fine."

"You are troubled." he said with a raised eyebrow.

The Doctor shook his head, "No Spock." he rubbed his jaw tiredly. "He'll be back on duty tomorrow and my report will be done before I get off tonight."

Spock watched McCoy silently. "Doctor, I assure you that what happened on the surface was not your doing. And I believe the correct sentiment is, I am sorry."

McCoy raised his own eyebrow, "Thanks Spock." he watched as he left and shook his head, "Damn green-blooded goblin." but there was a soft smile on his face. He looked down and forced himself to focus on his report so that he could go and sit with Jim. By the time he did get the report done his shift was over and he could wake Jim up.

He walked into the main part of the sickbay and over to his blue-eyed Captain who he was head over heels for and took his hand. McCoy smirked lightly, "Jim lets go, time to get out of sickbay."

He actually laughed as Jim's eyes opened; it was amazing how fast he could wake up when being released from the sickbay was involved. He knew Jim hated anything to do with doctors, that was one of the main reasons McCoy was so surprised to find out that Jim returned his feelings.

Jim looked at McCoy and smiled, "I can get out of here Bones?"

He nodded and helped Jim up, "I'll walk you to your room."

"I could stay in yours." he said, winking at him.

"No sex remember?"

Jim smirked walking out, "I was just going to repay you for saving my ass...again."

McCoy thought and smirked. Jim teased him so why not tease back. "Go get your stuff and just meet me in my room. I'll get some food ready." He just smirked when Jim nodded and left to get things ready.

About thirty minutes later he heard the buzzer at his door from the bathroom. McCoy smiled and yelled 'come' and heard the door open with a woosh.

"Bones?"

"I'll be right out Jim." he called from the bathroom. "I just got out of the shower." McCoy looked at himself in the mirror and smirked, "Jim can you get the food out of the replicator? I'm starving."

"Sure." Jim hummed softly and he put the food out. "Let's go before the stuff gets cold."

"Alright I'm coming." he growled and walked out.

Jim looked over and his let his mouth fall open, "Damn Bones."

McCoy was in a pair of jeans that fit him well. They hung low but clung at his waist and he wore one of the black t-shirts that he used as an under shirt, but it looked like it had shrunk in the wash. His hair was still damp and hung in his face and he had a smirk on his face.

"What?" McCoy asked, letting some of his drawl come through.

Jim started to say something but closed his mouth again. He had never seen McCoy look so…casual. He let his eyes travel over the Doctor's body and he had to admit it was a welcome sight to see McCoy show himself off. Jim knew that McCoy wanted to wait on sex, but Jim was going to give it his best shot tonight. He had wanted to see that body before, but in those clothes, well he needed to see it.

McCoy sat down and ate with Jim, throwing him looks, letting his hand brush against Jim. He smirked and saw the lust building in Jim's eyes, This is what you get for scaring me to death you little shit.

Jim tried to behave but he stroked McCoy's thigh and winked at him. He laid on all the charm he could and smiled when he saw McCoy blush a few times. Finally, after two months of just making out and messy pants Jim was going sleep with McCoy.

McCoy got up putting the dishes away and felt Jim wrap his arms around him. "Let's have some fun." he whispered against his ear. McCoy smirked and nodded. He allowed Jim to lead him to the bed and just laughed when they fell onto the bed.

The Doctor felt Jim kiss his neck and he moaned gently; that was just the opening Jim needed because he kissed him and slid his tongue into his mouth. Jim ran his hands over McCoy and they both let the kiss heat up.

Jim tugged at McCoy's shirt and smiled when he arched up to allow Jim to take it off. He took a second to let his eyes travel McCoy's upper body; from how loose he normally wore his shirt you would never guess that this was the body underneath. Jim looked up and smiled at McCoy and placed kisses along his neck and chest.

He happily obliged when McCoy tugged his shirt off and found McCoy on top of him, their legs getting tangled with each other. Jim moaned when McCoy kissed him deeply, loving that the Doctor was taking control.

"Bones…" he panted when lips latched onto his chest. Jim tangled his hands in McCoy's hair and arched his body up to meet the warm lips. He felt McCoy's lips near his waistband and pulled him up. Their hands got tangled as they fought to get their pants. Both moaned as they moved with each other.

Jim went to push down McCoy's boxers. The Doctor shook his head, "Nope."

"Why not?" Jim whined giving him his best puppy-dog face.

Not fair…so not fair. McCoy smirked, shaking his head, "Because you scared the shit out me…consider this pay back."

Jim pouted getting up; he knew once McCoy made up his mind there was no changing it. "Fine…I'm gonna go take a shower. You are so gonna get it Bones." He kissed the crook of Bones neck and smirked when he felt the older man shudder. Jim winked and went to walk out.

McCoy smirked and pulled him down. "You're staying here tonight remember? No showers, it's not like we haven't done that before."

"But…Bones this…us is different to me. I've been in a relationship like this and I don't want you to think I'm just after sex but would it be so bad to sleep with me?"

He shook his head, "Trust me, I want nothing more than to fuck you silly but I need to wait, just a little longer ok? For me?"

Jim looked at him and nodded. "Alright Bones."

"Soon Jim," he whispered and pulled him close. "But, if it makes you feel better, I need a shower too," he said and smiled when he heard Jim laugh into his neck.


	5. Not What I Was Expecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little steamy (finally) and well...then it comes crashing down.

To quote a certain Vulcan-appearing computer, McCoy knew he was acting illogically. He was nervous and scared at the thought of finally sleeping with Jim, even if Jim didn't know it was coming.

McCoy was nervous for a few reasons. He hadn't really been with anyone since his divorce and was a little out of practice, not to mention the last time he had been with a man was right before he met his ex-wife. He was also a few years older than Jim and what if he couldn't keep up with him? What would Jim think about him then? Silently, he ran his fingers through his hair, what was he a sixteen-year old going to the prom?

The nerves only heightened his fears though. The last time he had sex with someone and was in a relationship with it had ended badly. What if Jim felt the same way? McCoy sipped the brandy that was in his glass and closed his eyes, trying to find the pros to all his cons.

Jim had seen McCoy at his worst and had befriended him, didn't even turn away when he was warned about being puked on. The two of them balanced each other out; Jim was reckless and carefree while McCoy was a mother-hen so to speak. Jim would put McCoy before himself, no matter what his personal cost was. All these things alone made Jim perfect for McCoy and after all those years with his ex-wife McCoy felt that he deserved someone that made him truly happy.

Ever since that night two weeks ago when he had almost broken down and slept with Jim, McCoy couldn't get the thought from his head. But he was just terrified that if they did this, if they finally gave themselves to each other, that everything would end. He told himself that once they completed a mission where Jim didn't even get a scratch, that he would finally give into his desires. It happened to be today, the anniversary of when he signed the divorce papers, that it happened. Then again, maybe this could mark a happier day. Forcing that thought to stay in his mind he looked at the clock and got up. He took a shower and got ready for the night ahead of him.

Jim sat in his room going over daily reports and glancing at the clock every few minutes. He hadn't heard from McCoy at all today and he knew why. Years ago, this date was the date that his divorce from the 'dragon lady' was finalized. Jim knew better than to bother him on this day and had left him alone, he had been focused on getting that ambassador to Star Base Kennedy anyhow. Even the Captain didn't know how he managed to come out of a mission without even a paper cut, but he was thankful; that meant no hypos from a certain Doctor.

He leaned back in his chair bringing his mind to the man of his dreams. Even if it wasn't in his nature Jim found that he didn't mind waiting for McCoy to be ready. It wasn't like McCoy had had the best of luck when it came to relationships and Jim wanted this one to turn out right. Jim never thought he would want to settle down, let alone with a man, but he didn't see his future without McCoy in it. Jim was amazed how fast his mind had been changed by the grumpy doctor. He ran his hand through his blonde hair and got up changing into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before settling down to finish the reports. He would have plenty of time to think of McCoy later.

An hour later and the Doctor was still fussing over his appearance in the mirror. He had experience so he didn't know why he was so nervous. It was just Jim after all. He groaned and leaned over, resting his head on the sink, "Pull it together." he muttered to himself, "It'll be fine, its just Jim."

Reassuring himself helped somewhat and he messed his hair up just a bit and looked at the clothes he was wearing. Jim seemed to like the jeans and t-shirt look so that's what he did, even if he altered it a bit. He wore something he felt comfortable and confident in just hoping it would be enough.

He walked through the halls, only a couple of people giving him a glance over as he made his way to Jim's room. When he saw the corridor was empty he knocked and heard a bored sounding voice call for him to enter. He smirked when Jim didn't even look up from the reports he was signing.

"Jim take a break."

"Bones?" he asked looking up. Jim raised his eyebrow taking in the sight and a wicked smile appeared on his face. "Bones."

Jim thought last time he saw McCoy dressed in causal clothes was hot, but this was a damn straight turn on for him. The jeans the good Doctor wore were tight and ripped in a couple places and it was obvious that they had a few years of wear in them. Even from the front Jim could tell that they had to fit McCoy's ass to a tee. The shirt was a white button up, it's long sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and the top few buttons were undone so that just the very top of his chest was exposed. It laid across his chest nicely, but you could still see the definition in it. Jim's eyes made their way to his face and he smiled.

McCoy was still smirking lightly, but it was more of a 'come hither' look than anything else. His eyes had this smoldering look to them that sent a rush of Jim's blood south, and McCoy's hair was slightly messy and just begging for fingers to run through it.

The Doctor watched the looks on Jim's face as he looked him over. He had been hoping to get a reaction out of him, but this was just amusing. "Something wrong Jim?" When Jim nodded he frowned lightly, "What?"

"I feel like I look like shit now."

McCoy laughed and waved him over. "I don't mind the sweats, easier to get off." He whispered against his neck and pulled Jim to him. He kissed his neck moving down to his shoulder slowly.

Jim tilted his head to the side, his arms wrapping around McCoy's waist. "So does that mean…" He looked up at McCoy and smiled.

He nodded kissing Jim, slowly pulling him to the bed. Jim felt his knees hit the bed and he fell back, pulling McCoy down with him. He slid his hands into the back pockets of the jeans pulling him closer.

McCoy pulled back panting and looked down at Jim. When he saw the look in his eyes any doubts he had vanished and he kissed Jim with a renewed sense of purpose. He ran his steady hands under Jim's shirt and explored his torso before removing the shirt. He pulled back letting Jim get the button's to his shirt undone before kissing him again.

Jim went right to his jeans after the dress shirt was on the floor and he pushed them off along with his boxers. He went to flip them over but McCoy stopped him. Jim smirked raising his eyebrow, "Bones in charge?"

"Can't let you be all the time." he said and kissed down his chest and stomach before finally removing the only article of clothing that remained on either of them.

The Captain looked down and licked his lips and watched as McCoy took him in his mouth. He gripped the Doctor's hair, "Bones…" he panted arching up off the bed.

McCoy took his time, remembering what he liked and applying it to Jim. He hid his nerves at doing this since he had almost no experience and smirked in satisfaction as Jim moaned 'Bones' over and over again. He pulled back after Jim finished and looked up to see a very wide smile on his lover's face.

"Guess that means you liked it?"

Jim pulled him up kissing him, "Hell yeah." he went to flip them over to repay McCoy but found himself being pinned down again.

"I never said I was done with you." McCoy said, smirking and kissed Jim's neck before flipping him over onto his stomach. He kissed his back gently, one arm supporting his own weight, the other on Jim's waist. "Ready."

Jim nodded and soon the two were moving together, soft grunts and emotion filled moans coming from both men. They lost themselves in each other, hands gripping the sheets or whatever they could. Neither knew how long they were intertwined but both loved the feeling that came with the rush of release.

McCoy rolled to the side and looked over at Jim who was pressing against his side and resting his head on his chest.

Jim smirked kissing him long and slow, pulling McCoy's body closer to him. He let his tongue slide in and explore for a few moments before he pulled back. "Top performance Bones."

The Doctor smiled, "Next time I'll give you the test run."

"Deal." he muttered and covered them up, "Bones?"

"Hmmm?"

"I…" Jim sat up looking at his hands.

"What is it Jim?" he rubbed his back gently. "Something wrong?" McCoy frowned his eyes on Jim's back as he thought. Oh god, I knew this was going to happen. He's going to call it off. What the hell is the matter with me? How do I keep pushing them away? Even in his head he could hear the growl in his voice.

Jim looked at McCoy, his face and eyes nervous. "I…I think I'm falling for you."

Even to himself, McCoy sounded confused and damn, "Huh?"

"I'm falling in love with you." Jim said, his confidence failing.

McCoy opened his mouth before closing it. He looked at Jim raising his eyebrow, "Well, that's not what I was expecting."


	6. Technique

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaack.
> 
> Between the holidays, losing employees during said holidays, and everything else going on in this crazy ass world, things have been nuts.
> 
> But, now I'm stuck at home with Covid so I'll be positing a chapter a day until this one is posted, then I'll move onto one of my other Star Trek stories.

To Jim, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. McCoy was just staring at him with…well Jim didn't know what look it was. The young Captain frowned waiting for some kind of answer but all he got was 'Well, that's not what I was expecting.' He looked at McCoy with a mixture of hurt and regret on his face; he pulled his boxers on and got out of the bed, "I need to…" He let the sentence fall flat and just walked to the bathroom shutting the door.

He splashed his face with cold water and looked at himself in the mirror. His face had a glow to it, but his eyes were dull. How could I have been so fucking stupid? Why would Bones want to hear something like that…from me? Jim ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at it in frustration. Think about something else… he told himself. He turned the hot water all the way on and stripped out of his underwear before letting the water scorch his body. One good thing in his life and he had to mess it up.

He rested his head against the tiles of the shower and concentrated on the burn of the water instead of the sounds coming from outside of the bathroom. He's leaving…Jim pulled his head back and let it hit the wall with a dull thump. I should have figured, he thinks I'm a playboy, that I won't change. I probably can't anyway. He heard the bathroom door open but didn't bother looking over.

McCoy walked into the bathroom and managed to spot Jim through the steam. He frowned lightly and walked over opening the door to the shower and even then he could feel the heat of the water. Silently he put his hand on Jim's back but pulled it away when the water burnt his hand. McCoy couldn't stop the mother-hen instinct and he turned the water off before wrapping Jim in a towel pulling him out.

"Trying to burn yourself Jim?" he said his tone slightly disapproving.

Jim looked up at the slightly taller Doctor and smiled softly, "Look Bones…about what I said out there - "

"Shut up Jim." he said sat down on the floor bringing Jim down with him. "I don't think you realize how weird it is to hear someone say that to me. I don't think you know how nervous I've been about this whole thing."

"Because of me."

McCoy looked at him and gave him a soft but warm smile. "No, not because of you. After what happened with her…I gave up. You saw what I was like those first few months at the academy." Jim saw McCoy's eyes dull as he thought about it.

The Doctor shook his head lightly and brought himself out of the trance. "Everything that happened between me and her was my fault, I messed up what I had, I lost everything because I can't hold it together. Why do you think I waited so long to sleep with you?"

Jim shrugged, his eyes on their intertwined hands. "I just thought you weren't sure, or you were testing me. I mean, I don't have the best relationship history, I've never been in one for more than two months."

"Well that's true but not why." McCoy leaned against the wall, his eyes straight forward even though he felt Jim's gaze on his face. "What if you left? What if I got too attached and you felt the same way that she did and you left?"

"Bones…"

"I don't want to go through something like that again Jim, I can't. The only reason I made it the first time was because of you."

Jim couldn't help but smile and he got on his knees in front of McCoy. "Well, if I didn't leave when you threatened to puke on me why would I leave after sex like that?" He smirked when McCoy laughed and finally looked at him and Jim's voice was serious when he spoke again. "Besides, I meant what I said. I'm falling for you."

McCoy gripped Jim's hand tightly and looked down at them, "Would you understand if I can't say that yet. After…what happened with her…"

"Hey, it's not easy for me to say either. My mom never said anything like that to me and Frank sure as hell never said anything like that. I won't hold it against you."

The older man smiled before it turned into a smirk, "You know, I don't how you can be a total asshole one minute and sweet like this the next."

Jim put on his trademark smirk and leaned in nipping McCoy's bottom lip gently. "Well, I'll tell you Bones, it's a gift you just have to be born with."

Jim kissed McCoy before making his way to the bridge, a smile on his face. The two had finally fallen asleep after they got everything sorted out. They both had issues that they had to work through, but they were ones they could work through together.

He stepped onto the bridge and plopped into his chair, his goofy grin still on his face. Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura turned and looked at him; the smile along with the glow that was coming from him told them everything they needed to know.

"Have fun last night Captain?" Sulu asked while the others just smirked at him.

Jim's grin turned into a smirk and his eyes shone. "You guys have no idea."

"So Doctor McCoy…" Uhura started, a curious look to her eyes.

"A-M-A-Z-I-N-G." He spelled out. He smirked when she raised her eyebrow. "Yes, amazing."

"What about Doctor McCoy is amazing?" Spock asked standing near the Captain's chair with his hands clasped behind his back.

Jim just smiled up at him, "His technique." Spock raised his eyebrow and when it hit him a tinge of green appeared on his cheeks.

McCoy walked into sickbay whistling, and that brought Nurse Chapel's eyes from her PADD to him, but when she saw that he was smiling, full blown smiling, she almost dropped it. "Ok what happened?"

"What?" he asked and looked over at her.

"You're whistling…smiling…what the hell happened?"

McCoy raised his eyebrow and shrugged, "I don't know - "

"Oh my god." she said and this time she dropped the PADD she was holding in her hand. Christine followed McCoy into his office. "You're not getting off that easy."

She watched as he sat at his desk looking over the schedule that he insisted was written out for him everyday; sometimes he liked the simplicity of a pen and paper. Chapel slipped in the chair across from his desk a smirk on her face.

"You finally did it." When he looked up and there was a smirk on his face she knew that she was right. "Well?"

McCoy put down the piece of paper and looked at her. Besides Jim and Spock, Christine was one of the few people he trusted with some personal things; Jim of course he trusted with everything. He thought for a minute before realizing that Jim was probably talking to the bridge crew about it right now.

"Well," he said trying to find the right word. "It was amazing."

"So is he as good as they say he is?"

With that question a smirk appeared on his face that could have rivaled Jim's, "Now when he gets the upper hand, I'll let you know."

For the first few days after they slept together things were a little hectic around the ship because Jim was reviewing crew performance and McCoy was up to his elbows in physicals. But, nonetheless, the word must have gotten around because people were giving them knowing looks. McCoy found it slightly awkward just because people were actually looking at him like they wanted to give him a go and Spock was turning green every time they were in the same room.

Because both of them had been busy they hadn't had time to themselves, and to Jim three days without even getting to kiss McCoy felt like a life time. So, he had told McCoy that he had wanted to have lunch with him in his office before they arrived at an Earth Colony that Jim couldn't name. Lunch had gone smoothly, the two caught up and made plans for after they got back.

McCoy walked around his desk to say good-bye to Jim and kissed him gently. Jim had been trying so hard to keep himself in check but once he felt McCoy's lips that was blown to hell.

He put McCoy against the desk, his lips attacking the Doctor's with a sense of urgency and as soon as he heard the low moan he slipped his tongue into the other man's mouth. Jim pushed McCoy so he was laying down before attacking his lips and neck in random bursts not letting McCoy move from under him. Jim just got McCoy's shirt off when the speaker next to the Doctor's head beeped.

Panting, McCoy pressed the button, his other hand gripping Jim's hair as the man nipped his chest. "McCoy…here."

"Spock, Doctor. Is the Captain with you?"

Jim pulled back, his hand rubbing McCoy's thigh and his voice also came in small bursts as he tried to catch his breath. "I'm…kinda busy Spock. What is it?" he smirked when McCoy fought back a moan and his hips arced into him once his hand found it's final destination.

"…Captain we have arrived at our destination."

"We'll be in the transporter room in five minutes Spock." McCoy answered and ended the communication. He smirked and pushed Jim to the floor and laughed when he saw the pout on his face. "Work before play."

He got up and pulled his shirt on and adjusted his pants to hide the evidence of what they had been up to. McCoy looked up when he heard Jim laugh, "What?"

"You can't hide that Bones."

McCoy blushed and hit him with his medical tricorder.

"What was that for?" Jim asked rubbing his arm.

"Smart ass comments. Now let's go." He walked past Jim and patted his crotch, earning a disappointed groan from the Captain.

Together they made their way to the transporter room only to find a blushing Spock on the pad along with two members of security. "Everything ready?"

"Yes Captain." came Spock's reply, even if it was quieter than normal.

McCoy smirked at Jim who just smiled and looked at Scotty, "Energize."

When they got to the surface Jim instantly got in front of McCoy and the two guards stood with their phasers drawn. The buildings were smoking even though it looked like what ever had occurred took place days before. Slowly Spock, Jim, and McCoy gripped their own weapons.

"Spock, any sign of survivors?"

The half-Vulcan turned on his tricorder and looked down at the readings. "There are two faint signals." he said and started walking towards them.

McCoy was right on his heels and once there he knelt down. Both men were unconscious as he waved his scanner over them, frowning at the results that came up. "There's nothing I can do Jim." he said softly looking up at him. "I don't know what caused it but they both have internal damage but there's no sign of the injury that caused it."

"How long do they have Bones?" he asked, his voice grave.

"Only a few minutes Jim, they aren't feeling anything anymore."

Jim nodded looking at the men and saw their chest stop moving. He frowned and felt a hand on his shoulder. "Jim there was nothing we could have done. Their fate was sealed before we got here."

"You can't figure out what did this?"

"There's not trace of anything." Spock said before McCoy could answer.

Nodding, the Captain looked at the landing party. "Spock, you and Thompson head towards the right, phasers on stun. See if you can find anything. Bones and Black will come with me. Meet back here in two hours, keep your communicators handy."

With that the party split in two and searched the area. They found nothing but more bodies that appeared to be in the same condition as the first ones they found. Jim, McCoy and Black were heading back to the check point when Black yelled from behind them. They turned just in time to see him crumple to the ground; behind the body was a small humanoid, not larger than an eight-year-old child.

Jim made his way towards it slowly, McCoy behind him. The being tilted his head to the side and raised a hand slowly, a bluish ball forming

"Jim move." McCoy pushed Jim out of the way and the wave of energy that was meant for Jim knocked him down and rendered him unconscious.

His eyes got wide and he went to stun the creature but felt something burn his arm as Spock and Thompson came running over, one of their phaser beams hitting his arm. The being vanished and Spock called the ship having them beamed aboard.

Jim was next to McCoy and picked him up rushing him to sickbay. Everything that happened next was a blur. He was put on a bed and his burn was tended to while McCoy was taken into the operating room. He refused to sit still so he paced while they worked on his lover.

He didn't know how much time had passed or what was going on, but he was woken up by a tired looking Nurse Chapel. "Captain, he's calling for you." Jim got up hurrying into the recovery room. "He's still asleep but he keeps saying your name." She looked at Jim before adding, "He'll make it sir."

He nodded and took the seat next to the bed.

"Jim…" McCoy's voice was weak and tired, but his body looked tense.

The Captain took McCoy's hand in his, "I'm right here Bones." At those words Jim could have sworn that McCoy relaxed and his grip tightened.


	7. Spock's Chess Therapy Session

Jim spent the night sitting in the chair next to McCoy, refusing to let go of his hand. He did everything one handed, from eating to signing reports. His eyes took in the appearance of the Doctor for any small changes and was glad when he noticed a few.

McCoy's skin, which was normally a very light tan, was slowly gaining that color back and no longer matched the stark white sheet that he was laying on. His hand was warm and gripping his own firmly now. Jim couldn't help but smile softly when he saw that his breathing and heart rate were back to a normal pace.

He rested his head on the mattress, and without letting go of McCoy's hand he fell asleep in the chair. Jim was woken up the next morning by Nurse Chapel, who had volunteered to help cover McCoy's shift while he was otherwise indisposed.

"Captain, you have about an hour before your shift starts. You should probably go and get something to eat."

Jim nodded and stood up looking down at McCoy. He couldn't just sit here; he had another four hundred people that he was responsible for, not to mention the ship itself. He released his lover's hand and pushed the hair out of his face. "You'll tell me if anything changes…actually, even if nothing changes I want an update every hour."

"Yes sir." she said watching them silently. Her eyes followed Jim out before they went back to the unconscious CMO. "You're a lucky one Leonard…" She double checked his vitals before going about the rest of her duties for the day.

After Jim left sickbay he returned to his room and took a quick shower before heading to the bridge. He just couldn't bring himself to eat while McCoy was laying in sickbay dead to the world. Not much was said to him when he walked through the halls; everyone knew about their relationship because Jim had announced it, but everyone also knew that McCoy was injured and still out cold.

The bridge was much better, it wasn't filled with pitying looks. Instead the crew there tried to keep things as normal as they could for him and the small smiles he sent them were thanks enough. They could all see the red around his eyes showing a restless night. Their day was filled with reports being sent to Star Fleet about what had happened and the news coming from them. Apparently they were going to send a diplomatic party to the planet to try and study and understand the life-forms and why they did what they did.

Once the end of the shift came around and everyone had been dismissed Spock walked over to the Captain, his hands clasped behind his back and his face stoic. He looked over at Uhura who nodded before leaving on the lift.

"Captain?" Spock asked, his hands gripping together tighter, "Would you like to play a game of chess after you check up on Doctor McCoy?"

Jim gave him a smile and nodded, "I'd like that." Even Spock could hear the thanks and the softness that was in the Captain's voice. "Meet in Recreation Room Six in one hour?"

"Yes Sir."

"It's Jim, Spock."

"Sir?"

Jim laughed gently running a tired hand through his blonde hair, "Call me Jim, especially when we're off duty." he got up and walked into the lift with Spock. They parted ways for the time being and Jim walked into the sickbay.

The nurse on duty looked over and made her way to him, "Captain." she said smiling.

"How is he?" he asked walking to the bed, her following behind him.

"The same. He still hasn't woken up but until he's completely healed we don't want to wake him. I'd give it a couple more days sir, but there's no reason to suggest that he won't make it out of this."

Jim gave her thankful smile and nodded, "Thank you." he took the chair next to McCoy's bed and claimed his hand in his. "I'm back Bones." When Jim was younger, he had heard the talking to someone, even while they were unconscious did them good, so that's what he did. He talked about what was going on with the ship, the facts that they had learned about the planet; anything to give McCoy a sense of normality.

"I'm gonna go play a couple games of chess with Spock ok…I'll be back later. Promise." he places a soft kiss to the man's forehead, told the nurse that he still wanted reports hourly, and left to go meet Spock.

He saw him sitting at one of the 3-D chess boards and took the seat across from him, "Always on time aren't you Spock?" Jim asked smirking.

"I fail to see why I would be late Jim." he said with his eyebrow raised.

Jim smiled and the two mainly talked about work as they played, Jim putting up a good fight but losing in the end. The second game he won, even if it was just barely; Spock blamed it on the illogical choices that the Captain made.

By the time they got to the third game, Jim's mind was elsewhere. "I love him Spock."

Spock looked up, placing his piece down on the square, "Jim?"

"Bones…I love him." he said making his move. Uhura had told Spock that Jim might talk if they did something familiar, and not to interrupt him if he did. He heeded her words and continued playing the game while paying attention to what Jim had to say.

"I told him, the other day, that I was falling for him. I don't think he believed me. God only knows that I don't have the best track record when it comes to stuff like this but with him its different." Jim picked up his piece examining it.

"It's not exactly a secret that I had a hard time growing up, I think that's a reason that he had a hard time believing it. Then again, he hasn't had the best of luck, that bitch stomped on him when she left him. Hurt him so bad. I don't want him to hurt anymore." Jim looked up at Spock, his eyes searching for reassurance.

Spock put his piece down and intertwined his fingers as he searched for something to say, and would be the right thing to say. "Jim…" he started, "Even since you two have been in this intimate relationship, the entire crew has noticed a difference. Both of you, as illogical as it sounds, appear to be happier. Doctor McCoy has not been scowling as much or making his rude comments to me.

If I could go so far to say, I believe that Doctor McCoy is displaying the feeling of love. Much like you are. Perhaps, because of his past, he is scared to admit it." he looked across the board at his Captain, who was smiling.

"You think so?"

Spock nodded, "Yes."

Jim made a move, "Check mate."

"What?" Spock asked looking up and studying the board.

Jim smirked and leaned back in his chair. "Check mate." he watched as Spock replayed the game in his mind.

"I must not have been applying much attention to the game Captain."

He got up and stretched, the smirk still firmly in place. "Don't worry about it Spock. There's always next time; maybe by then you'll be able to beat me." In a comfortable silence they walked out of the room and towards the lift. "I'll see you on the bridge."

"Good night Captain." he said making his way to the right while Jim kept going to sickbay. Jim actually managed to whistle until he walked in the door. He sat next to McCoy taking his hand in his.

"Can you believe Spock actually talked to me tonight. Gave me some really good advice when it comes to you. Yeah I know what you're thinking, muttering something the green-blooded whatever new insult has popped into your head. He really did Bones. I've got it all sorted out now. You think I would have realized it earlier, especially since we've known each other for so long and I let you get away with not sleeping with me in the first few days." Jim kissed his hand and watched the man's face, "I love you. I really really do. I didn't think I was capable of it but I do."

Jim stroked McCoy's hair and smiled gently. "It's a shame you aren't awake to see this, because I'm probably going to do the sweet to asshole thing any minute now. Your nurses never gave me that update."

He looked over when he saw the same nurse he had spoken to earlier walked though the door. She saw him and her eyes went wide. Jim smirked, "Speak of the devil, can I talk to you a moment."

"Yes sir." she said walked over.

"I was gone for two hours, and I didn't receive an update." Jim's voice was intimidating and authoritative. He smirked to himself when the woman started spurting out apologies. Neither of them noticed the slight upturn of the Doctor's lips.


	8. No One Ever Loved Him

"Sickbay to Captain Kirk."

Jim looked down at the voice coming from his chair and frowned lightly. It wasn't time for his update on McCoy yet so his eyes narrowed in worry. "Kirk here."

"Captain, Dr. McCoy is awake."

All eyes landed on the Captain and most of them smiled, one just raised an eyebrow, when they saw the worry lines leave his face and his eyes light up. Kirk didn't even give a response but just shot out of his chair. "Spock you have the bridge." he got out just before the doors to the lift closed.

"Illogical." the first officer said.

Uhura's head tilted to the side, "Why Spock?"

"The speed to which he arrives to the Doctor's side will not make a difference in his recovery, and clearly the Captain was no longer worried."

She gave him a warm but soft smile, "I hope you never have a reason to act like the Captain just did."

Spock's gaze softened slightly and he nodded. "I hope for that as well."

Jim rushed into the sickbay and saw McCoy sitting up on his bed drinking water from a cup. "Bones!" he said wrapping his arms around the man tightly, crushing him to his chest.

McCoy let out a cough and dropped the glass, "Dammit Jim!" But when Jim pulled back he saw the affection in the Doctor's eyes and his smile came right back. "'Bout time you got here."

At that Jim's face fell and his eyes lost some of the brightness that they got back at the good news. "Bones…I'm sorry. I just...I couldn't just skip my shift even though I wanted to. I've been here every night, you know, sleeping in these plastic chairs is really uncomfortable. Besides, I thought you would be mad if I didn't do my job and eat - "

The Doctor rolled his eyes, "Jim, shut up."

Jim promptly closed his mouth and looked at him. "Sorry." he muttered.

McCoy smiled and bit his lip getting up. "I know you've been here. Christine told me while she was giving me an exam. And yes, it is uncomfortable to sleep in those chairs. I've been there often enough because the Captain of this ship is a tad bit reckless."

The younger man put his arm around McCoy's waist to help him and just gave him a lopsided and charming grin. "I have no idea who and what you are talking about. You cleared to go?"

"Of course…I am the CMO."

"And you say I abuse my power." he muttered but walked out with him and took him to his room. Once there Jim set McCoy on his bed and smiled getting him another cup of water and made sure he was comfortable.

McCoy just watched him, his eyes never leaving Jim's face. This was definitely something new, he was the one that was being taken care of. Once he had the cup in his hand and Jim was sitting he started the conversation up. "So, I heard you yelling at one of my nurses."

Jim huffed and folded his arms. "I did not yell. I just talked loudly." He took the time to remember the night and his intense blue eyes landed on McCoy's face, watching it intently. "Did you hear anything else?"

"Yes." he said simply looking at his water.

"What?"

"You said you loved me."

Jim got up and sat on the edge of the bed taking the cup and putting it on the nightstand. "I do love you." The cockiness and arrogance was gone from his voice and McCoy could sense the sincerity behind it. "I never thought I could love anyone after…well you know. I've told you. But anyway, I love you."

McCoy groaned and laid down, putting his face in the pillow, "Dammit Jim." His voice was muffled by the pillow but Jim sensed something there. Something wasn't right. He rolled over looking at him. "I…don't doubt that you love me. You wouldn't have thrown yourself in front of me on all those missions, you wouldn't have stayed up with me on Joanna's birthdays when I couldn't talk to her or when I just had a bad day and ended up drunk off my ass on our dorm room floor. I know you love me, but I can't say it back."

He watched Jim and saw him shrink away and put a mask up, one that said everything was okay. He took his hand and gripped it but Jim held it limply, his hand was clammy. It hurt him to see the pain in Jim's eyes but he couldn't say it, not yet. He felt it, but he couldn't say it. "Jim - "

"It's fine Bones." Jim flashed him a smile and kissed his head, "You'll say it when you mean it and when it doesn't hurt to say it. I understand."

McCoy pulled him down and smiled softly. "Look, don't doubt that I feel something for you, I'll say it one day."

Jim nodded thinking, "Get some sleep Bones."

The next few days were stressful. They were dancing around the subject, neither really wanting to broach the subject so they were careful with their words. The time that they did spend together was doing something both easy and something they enjoyed. Card games. During their years at the academy they found that they both loved the game Speed and it became a pastime of theirs.

It was during one of these games that Uhura contacted Jim in his room. "Captain, there is a personal message coming through. It's from your brother."

Jim smiled, "Put it through to my room." While he and his brother didn't have the best relationship they were still brothers, still cared for each other even if for Sam it was deep down; Jim just looked too much like his dad to really be accepted by his family.

A moment later Sam's face appeared on the small screen and Jim gave his big brother a smile, "Hey Sam…Sam?"

"Why in the hell weren't you there?!"

Jim looked at him confused. "What are you talking about Sam? Where was I supposed to be?" McCoy watched from his chair, listening carefully to the words coming from both men.

"Mom." McCoy saw Jim tense up at the word and he walked over standing behind him rubbing his shoulders gently. "Who's with you?"

"Leonard." he said simply.

"I want to talk to you alone Jim."

Jim shook his head, reaching up and gripping one of McCoy's hands. "Whatever you need to say, you can say it in front of Bones." McCoy smiled placing a kiss to his head.

On the screen Sam shook his head in disgust. "Why the hell weren't you at mom's funeral Jim? You should have been there."

His shoulders tensed again, "I can't exactly just go somewhere on a whim. Besides, not like she would have wanted me there. She couldn't even look at me when I was a kid, she never loved me. She just saw her dead husband when she saw me."

"She was your mother!"

"My mother abandoned me when I was born." Jim growled.

"She loved you." Sam growled, his face getting red. "She - "

This time Jim was the one who exploded, "She loved me? She loved me?! Neither of you loved me. You dealt with me because you felt obligated to, she was off planet because she couldn't stand the fact that I look like dad!"

McCoy heard the truth in Jim's words and it was validated when Sam's mouth fell open before his jaw clenched, "She did everything she did for you."

No one ever loved him, he thought sadly.

"Right…that's why she left all the time, why she married Frank who liked to beat the shit out of me right?" Jim sighed rubbing his forehead gently. "Look Sam, I'm finally happy ok, just leave this alone. Even if I wanted to be there I couldn't have been."

"You know what Jim," Sam said, his voice like ice. "Mom and Dad would be disappointed in you. You don't care enough to go to her funeral or pretend to care that you didn't go and now you're fucking your male doctor friend - "

Jim's eyes got wide, "Don't you fucking talk about him." his voice was a snarl. "Until you get your fucking act together don't bother talking to me." Jim ended the communication and leaned back in his chair.

McCoy swallowed softly, "Jim, come sit on the bed. Let's just relax."

Wordlessly Jim nodded and got on the bed. McCoy sat behind him and held him to his chest. "Ignore him ok."

"Why did he bring it up. I was getting over it. I was forgetting her like I had for years, I was happy again you know."

McCoy kissed his shoulder thinking. I would do anything for him…so make him forget what his brother said…Make him forget what he said himself. Show him someone cares McCoy.

"Bones?"

"Yeah Jim?" he asked looking down into those blue eyes that made him forget everything else except for them.

"What're you thinking about?" Jim asked, his gaze burning into him.

He smiled, mentally taking a deep breath. "I love you."


	9. The Last Kirk

"I love you."

Jim sighed softly and sat up so that he could look McCoy right in the face. "Bones not now. I'm not in the mood for jokes ok?"

McCoy frowned gripping his chin and staring into his eyes. "Dammit Jim, I mean it. I'm not trying to just throw it in your face or say it to make you feel better about that conversation, well maybe a little, but I do love you."

The younger man just peered into the deep brown eyes and smiled softly and McCoy could see the hurt that lingered in Jim's. Jim lay next to him on the bed and curled up into his side. Though the timing and the reason might not have been the best, McCoy loved seeing Jim when he was vulnerable. It made him more human; less of the immortal Captain James T. Kirk and more Jim.

"I love you." McCoy said again, running his fingers through the soft blonde hair and letting his eyes rest on the man that was drifting into a relaxed sleep.

Jim smiled and nuzzled into his chest, "Love you too." he muttered falling asleep.

The months passed like they always did on the Enterprise. Jim would throw himself into duty and do everything and anything to protect his crew and McCoy was there to fix him up along with telling him how much of an idiot he was.

They would occasionally argue, but then they would screw each other and make up. They were in love, nothing had torn them apart. Not even the hours of torturing Jim had gone through in order to save a red shirt. McCoy may have yelled at him for it, but he loved him for it; McCoy made sure to tell Jim that he loved him at least once a day. The pair were now sharing a room and more or less acted like a married couple.

McCoy woke up one day, thinking it would be a normal day like all the others. He reached over to let his arm drape over Jim's lean figure only to have it fall to the mattress. He rolled over and sat up frowning when he saw Jim at his desk, still clad in just his sweats, but a worried frown on his face. "Babe?"

Jim looked over, his eyes red with exhaustion. "Go back to sleep Bones. You still have a few hours before your shift starts." There was no warmth in his voice, just worry and fear.

"Jim what's wrong?" he said getting up. He stood behind him and leaned down over his shoulder to read the report that was on the screen.

Apparently, a number of scientists had discovered a pattern that went in an almost straight line, moving from planet to planet. Wherever this anomaly showed up mass insanity appeared to affect the planet's inhabitants.

"Where's it headed next?" He asked Jim softly.

"Deneva."

McCoy pulled on his uniform, "I'll go to sickbay and do some more research, okay? I'll let you know what I find out."

Jim nodded and got dressed. He kissed McCoy quickly before heading towards the bridge. He took over there and saw that Spock was at his station analyzing any other data that he could find. Jim watched him work and checked in with him every half hour or so while they headed for Deneva as fast as the ship would take them.

It was a few hours before McCoy came up to the bridge and walked to the science station. Both he and Spock gave their brief reports, nothing new to really report. McCoy saw the frustration in Jim's eyes and that's when it occurred to him. As Jim sat back down in his command chair he stood behind him.

"Jim?"

"Yeah Bones?" he asked, staring at the viewer ahead, willing his beloved Enterprise to move faster.

"Isn't Sam on Deneva?"

The crew turned and looked at the pair and Spock raised an eyebrow. Jim nodded gently. "Yeah, my brother and his family are stationed on Deneva." There were collective gasps around them and McCoy gripped his shoulder gently.

"We need to get there Bones." Jim whispered, pretending not to feel the stares or hear the whispers surrounding him.

"We will Jim." We'll save them he thought to himself.

Jim had Uhura trying to get through to the planet and when they couldn't reach anyone at the base Jim had her try a personal transmission. About ten minutes into trying she looked up at him, "Captain, I'm receiving something off your private transmission."

The Captain leapt out of his chair and over to her station. At first there was some light static but soon a male voice came through the speaker; it was rushed and confused. "Help us…we need you to help us."

"Sam…Sam it's Jim." he kept his voice calm, but the tension showed in his stature. "It's Jim on the Enterprise."

"The connection was lost sir." Uhura said gently, her brown eyes watching his face.

"Well get it back!"

"I can't sir, they stopped transmitting."

McCoy put his hand on the small of Jim's back and rubbed gently. "Stay calm Jim. We'll be there in twenty minutes and we'll figure it out."

"Sorry Uhura." he said walking to his chair. Spock and McCoy stood on either side of him and they made arrangements for the landing party of which they would all be included in.

Jim had the team assembled in the transporter room and explained the situation further, having them set their phasers to stun and warning them not to take any chances. He closed his eyes and only opened them when he felt his feet on solid ground again. His blue eyes took in the sight and he was discomforted when he didn't see a soul.

He didn't completely register the words coming from Spock, but instead looked towards a building, "That's Sam's lab." he said softly. "We got a transmission from there so that's where we'll start."

"Captain."

Jim looked up and saw a group of men running towards them with clear clubs in their hands. The rest of the team followed suit when Jim grabbed his phaser; they heard the men telling them to leave, that it wasn't safe. Regardless of their warnings the men came at them and Jim yelled 'fire.'

"They seemed concerned for our safety." Spock said looking down at the men while McCoy ran his medical scanner over the bodies.

"It doesn't make sense Jim." McCoy met his gaze and began to explain when he saw Jim's confused face. "Well, I should be getting normal autonomic responses while they're unconscious like this, but the readings from their nervous systems are off the charts. I just don't understand it."

Jim sighed and tore his gaze from his lover to the lab. "Let's go see what's going on then." He squared his shoulders and kept his face fearless as they walked into the building. On his left he could feel McCoy walking next to him and that calmed his nerves a bit.

"Don't let them get in! Don't let them get in!" A voice yelled from inside the lab.

Jim and the rest of the team ran in and they all stopped in their tracks. Across the room there were the bodies of a woman and a small boy on the ground and a man slightly taller than Jim was trying to fix a metal slate over a ventilator shaft.

"Sam?" Jim hurried over to the man while McCoy pulled a hypo from his medical kit. Sam struggled against Jim and he drove his elbow into Jim's face in his hysteria.

"Doctor." Spock called helping Jim with his brother while McCoy released the sedatives into Sam's system. Still with Spock's help, he set Sam in a chair and frowned as he took in the state of his brother.

"Jim, is this your sister-in-law?"

The Captain walked over and kneeled next to her and nodded, "Yeah." he said softly. "What about my nephew?" The silence that came from McCoy told Jim everything he needed to know.

"I need to get your brother up to the ship. I think you should be there when he wakes up."

Numbly, Jim nodded and pushed himself to his feet. "Spock, you have command of the landing party." Struggling slightly Jim picked the form of his brother up and stood next to McCoy as they were beamed aboard.

The weight was lifted from his shoulders as members of the medical team put Sam onto a stretcher and rushed him to sickbay. McCoy grasped Jim's shoulder, "Go to your quarters for a few minutes alright. Come to sickbay when you're ready."

McCoy left and Jim did as he said and walked to his room, letting the gravity of the situation sink in. He fell into his chair, the faces of his brother and family flashing before his eyes. All he could think about was the last conversation that he had with his brother, tell him to either accept Jim as he was or leave him alone. Now, it looked like Jim was going to be the one left alone at last.

Jim was going to be the last Kirk of his family to survive, and there was no hope in him continuing the line. He knew he would never have kids, not just because he was with McCoy but he was a Captain in Star Fleet and that was not the life he would bestow upon a child. He stared at his desk, the last Kirk, he thought sadly.

"Sickbay to Captain."

"Yeah Bones?" he asked, the other man's voice bringing him out of his depressed and confused stupor.

"I need you to come down here, Sam's waking up."


	10. The Last Kirk Part 2

Jim looked at the speaker in front of him. "He's awake? I thought you gave him a sedative."

"I did Jim, but he's fighting it. Now get your scrawny ass down here and see your brother." McCoy didn't have to say it; Jim could hear it in his voice. He didn't think that Sam was going to make it through this and Jim should be with him when the time came.

"On my way." The young Captain ran out of his quarters and to the nearest turbo lift. His feet carried him to the sickbay without him even thinking about it. He burst through the door and looked at his brother writhing on the bed.

McCoy walked over to him, "He's strong Jim, guess it runs in the family."

Jim smiled and looked at him, "How bad is it?"

"The pain is off the scale Jim. Every time he tries to tell us something he gets stopped by it. I just don't know what's causing it!" The doctor exclaimed and Jim could see that his lover was frustrated. No matter how rough he tried to look McCoy couldn't stand seeing anyone in pain.

"Did my sister-in-law and nephew go through this?"

"Yes," he said softly, his hand gripping Jim's shoulder. "Talk to him Jim, I'm gonna go look at the readouts from the latest tests."

Jim sat down and took his brother's hand in his own. "Sam…Sam its Jim." He watched as a pair of hazel eyes opened and stared at him.

"Jim," he said softly.

"Yeah," he said gently and moved to stroke his brother's hair. "Can you tell me what happened Sam?"

Sam removed his hand from Jim's and moved his head so Jim couldn't. "Don't touch me," he said his voice almost a growl.

Jim dropped his hands to his side; even now Sam couldn't stand his little brother. He wanted nothing to do with him because he looked like dad, because he didn't go to their mother's funeral, because he was with McCoy. The Captain hid the pain in his voice but it was etched deep into his eyes. "Sam what happened down there?"

The older Kirk didn't look at Jim when he spoke but stared at the ceiling. "They came eight months ago." His body fought the straps that were holding him down. "Tried to make us…build ships for them…came from…" he yelled in pain.

"Bones!" Jim yelled grabbing his brother's hand trying to help him through it.

"Don't touch me Jim." Sam growled pulling his hand away.

McCoy saw the exchange and the look on Jim's face. The Doctor pulled out a hypo but heard a soft beep signaling that Sam Kirk had died. He looked at Jim and saw him just staring at his brother's body before covering it with a blanket.

Jim turned and looked at McCoy, his blue eyes watery and blank. "Figure this thing out Bones. I want to know what's doing this to these people and how to stop it. I'm going back down."

Before he could say anything or try to stop him Jim was out of sickbay and on his way to the transporter room. McCoy sighed and had the nurses get Sam ready for an autopsy. He sat in his office thinking about Jim and how alone he must have felt growing up, and how he must have felt now that even on his death bed his brother couldn't accept him.

Jim got back down to Deneva and had Spock catch him up on the latest news. He nodded and agreed with Spock's plan to track down the buzzing noise to see what was causing it and if it was in fact, what was causing the insanity to spread.

They came to a small courtyard and heard a wet squelching noise but didn't see where it was coming from. A security officer stayed up higher while Jim and Spock led the rest of the away team further down.

"Spock."

The Science Officer looked at where Jim was pointing and nodded. At Jim's command they set their phasers to kill and fired at the almost round and flat creatures that hid in the shadows and clung to walls. One fell to the ground and as the other started to fly away the members watched each other's back.

"Let's get out of here." Jim said and waited until the others had retreated before he started following them. He heard a surprised gasp and turned to see Spock falling to his knees, "Spock?!"

He rushed over trying to get a grip on the pink and slippery creature. Jim finally pulled it off and helped Spock to his feet before he felt something pierce his back. The grip he had on Spock was loosened and he slid to the ground. Jim could feel something moving along his back and he tried to reach for it but the pain was too much.

Jim yelled as it was pulled from his back and soon felt the familiar pull of the transporter beam. Next thing he heard was McCoy calling out to him before he started barking orders. "Bones make it stop." he whispered through clenched teeth.

"I will Jim," McCoy responded softly as he sedated the Captain and had him and Spock moved to sickbay. As he ran along after the stretchers he debated on the best course of action. By the time they got both men to sickbay and into the operating rooms he knew what he had to do.

Jim was human and could be examined by the other doctors. Because Spock was only half human and had Vulcan physiology, McCoy was the only one with the qualifications to handle Spock in this condition. Sometimes, McCoy hated being the CMO; he had to put his duties before his feelings for Jim and it was killing him.

A doctor and a nurse set to work on Jim while he and Chapel worked on Spock. What he saw amazed and sickened him. Thin tentacle-like ribbons were laced through Spock's nervous system. He took a few out but knew that he couldn't remove them by surgery. He closed Spock up and had Chapel get him strapped to a bed.

McCoy walked over and looked down and saw the same things embedded in Jim's nervous system. "Lets find out what these things are," he said softly and helped them close Jim up and transfer him to a bed near Spock's.

After hours of running tests and finding nothing he was glad to hear a voice calling him to sickbay. He responded and made his way there silently. The first thing to greet him when he walked into his sickbay was a soft but familiar panting. Jim.

He hurried in and sat by Jim's side taking his hand. McCoy saw the pain in the blue eyes and the sweat trickling down his face. "Hey Jim," was all that he could manage without his voice getting caught in his throat.

Jim forced a smile, "Heya Bones." His voice was strained and he arched against the straps as waves of pain washed over him. "These things try to control you with pain, fucking hurts."

"I know baby," McCoy said softly and stroked his head.

"They play with your mind, tell you horrible things to get you to do what they want."

McCoy looked over at Spock who nodded to confirm what the Captain was saying but there was no pain on the half-Vulcan's face. "Don't tell me that green stuff you call blood prevents them from hurting you." McCoy needed a distraction. It hurt to stare into Jim's pain filled eyes.

"Pain is a thing of the mind Doctor, and the mind can be controlled."

"Spock had an idea Bones and I agree with it."

"That's never good," McCoy muttered turning and facing Jim now.

"Haha," Jim managed to get out before his body convulsed and he fought the restraints. "They ah…don't like me thinking about it," Jim panted looking at McCoy. "I'll be fine Bones."

McCoy didn't respond to that but looked at Spock, "What's this idea?"

Spock proceeded to tell him that he intended to go down to the planet's surface and capture one of the creatures so that it could be studied and they could find a way to rid the body of the parasite.

At first McCoy shook his head; Spock was infected he shouldn't go down there in that condition, but that was Spock's point. The only two people on board that wouldn't be affected if they were attacked were him and Jim, and since Spock could control the pain he was the logical choice.

"Let him go Bones." The pleading looking in Jim's eyes and the sound of his voice were the two things that made up his mind. This was the only chance they had to save Jim and Spock. The Enterprise couldn't function without its Captain and First Officer. And, well, McCoy couldn't function without Jim.

Spock wasn't gone long, but McCoy remained at Jim's side the entire time. He knew that Jim was hiding the pain as best he could but he wasn't Spock, he couldn't hide it like the Vulcan did. McCoy was still thankful for Jim's strength he wouldn't be able to stand the sound of Jim screaming for him to make it stop.

When the announcement was made that Spock was back Jim smiled at McCoy, "Go find me a cure Bones."

"I will Jim," he said softly and hurried to the labs to collaborate with Spock. He called sickbay at least every fifteen minutes and doubled his efforts when he heard that Jim was fading in and out of consciousness.

They talked about all of it, tried to figure out the answers. It was late into the night when they remembered that the creatures hid in the shadows, the creatures didn't like light. They ran a test, using the specimen that Spock had brought back in the first stage.

Finally, they killed it, but the amount of light they used would easily blind anyone who was exposed to it. Spock didn't care, they needed to know if this would work and he refused to wear the protective goggles knowing that no one on the planet would have them.

"The creature is gone," Spock announced before walking out of the test cubicle that they had rigged up. McCoy winced as Spock ran into a desk before feeling his way into a chair.

McCoy frowned and took Spock to sickbay and laid him on a biobed to examine him.

"Bones?"

He looked over to see a pale and sweaty Jim Kirk looking concerned from where he was strapped down.

"It worked Jim."

"Then what's wrong with Spock…what's the answer?"

McCoy kissed Jim's forehead, "Light."

Jim knew the look on McCoy's face. It was one he got when he lost a patient, it was very similar to the one Jim got when he lost a member of his crew. "What's wrong with Spock?"

"He's blind Jim. You will be too once we get this thing out of you."

At that moment Nurse Chapel walked in and handed McCoy the results from the very first test they ran on just the specimen. "Oh no."

"What?" Jim demanded through the pain that was searing through every bone in his body.

"I…I didn't need to use the whole spectrum of light to kill them."

It took Jim a little longer to process this than he normally would have. "So I won't be blind?" he asked gently. After McCoy nodded Jim looked at him again, "Spock didn't need to be blinded."

McCoy looked at Jim and shook his head, "No, he didn't." he turned and faced Spock without letting go of Jim's hand, "I'm sorry Spock."

The half-Vulcan faced their direction and nodded slightly, "It was not your fault Doctor. I went into the chamber without waiting for the results as well. I also out rank you; it would have been illogical for you to prevent me from doing this."

"Spock I was more worried about - "

"It is logical that you would be more worried about the Captain - "

"It's not because he's the Captain and you - "

"Doctor, if you finish that sentence I will have to declare you emotionally compromised."

McCoy and Jim both looked at Spock. "Thanks Spock," the latter said softly.

"I suggest that you treat the Captain now Doctor."

"Yes Spoc - " McCoy felt Jim crush his hand in his but didn't hear two bones snap as Jim let out an earsplitting scream.


	11. The Last Kirk Part 3

McCoy sat at his desk, his glazed eyes going over the half finished report that was supposed to be submitted an hour ago. Due to the events of the last twenty-four hours he just couldn't keep his mind on something so simple. The thoughts of what he could have done differently were swarming his mind and allowing the guilt to sink in.

It was his fault that Sam didn't accept Jim.

It was his fault that Sam died.

It was his fault that Jim had no family left.

It was his fault Spock was blinded.

It was his fault that Jim was unhappy.

The good Doctor looked at his wall and knew that Jim would be waking up in a few minutes. He also knew that he needed time on his own to think about this and that Jim should be alone to grieve.

When he heard the alert that signaled Jim waking up he let out a breath and walked out, forcing a familiar scowl onto his face. "You should still be asleep."

Jim looked up and flashed him a tired, but somehow still perfect smile. "Nothing keeps me down long." He got up, testing the strength of his legs. Finding them sore but nothing more, wrapped his arms around McCoy's neck. "Thanks Bones."

"Don't thank me just yet," he muttered, his own face hidden in Jim's neck, taking in the musky and sweet smell of the man he loved. He wanted to remember this scent forever. Slowly, McCoy's hands made their way down Jim's body, wanting to memorize the shape and feel of it.

After swallowing Jim pulled back to face McCoy. "My quarters, Doctor?"

McCoy nodded and forgot about finishing the report. He needed this right now. He needed to see that Jim was ok and he needed to know Jim's body in every way.

The pair was silent as they made their way to deck five and Jim's quarters. Once inside McCoy kissed Jim, taking total control of the situation. He forced Jim against the wall, his lips attaching to Jim's with a bruising force. With a doctor's precision he ran his hands over the fine points of the Captain's body. When he knew how it felt covered in the familiar uniform he stripped Jim's shirt off.

He moved a couple inches away and traced his fingers down the side of Jim's face and neck before learning the lines of his chest and abdomen. He felt Jim's heart rate increase and heard the quickening of his breath.

"Bones…" Jim whispered.

McCoy ignored him and undid his pants. His fingers traced the muscles of his thighs and calves before running over the tight muscles of his buttocks. The last thing he explored was the erection in front of him. As gently as he could he slid his fingers over it before giving it a gentle lick. The needy gasp he heard from Jim's mouth made him look up and he smiled.

"Let's get to the bed." As Jim nodded McCoy walked him there and laid him down as if Jim was made of the finest china. He undressed himself and his eyes never left Jim's blue eyes. Once he was undressed he lay on top of Jim and kissed him lightly.

This is the last time Jim. I won't have you hurt anymore because of me.

McCoy moaned as Jim explored his body in the same way. He felt the calloused finger tips caress the skin of his neck and chest, tracking the lines of his legs and ass. His own erection was graced with the lightest flick of the tongue and McCoy would have sworn that he had never felt anything as good. When Jim came up and their eyes met McCoy saw the same thing in Jim's eyes that he himself was feeling.

Jim looked down at McCoy and gave him a soft and love filled smile. He needed to know that McCoy was there, that McCoy was real. The he loved him and wanted him, that he accepted him. That finally he had found someone that understood and wanted to be around him.

Their lips met again, but it stayed tender and soft. Their hands wrapped around each other and kept their bodies in contact. It wasn't long before the need of more physical contact was needed and the two bodies moved against each other, slick with a thin layer of sweat.

"I need to feel you Bones."

McCoy nodded, slowly shifting Jim's position and slid into him. Both men moaned as their bodies came together and were one. The movements were slow but hard, Jim's nails digging into the muscles on McCoy's back.

Neither knew how much time had passed and they didn't really care. All they knew was that they were there, they had each other, and that they were real. When the release came Jim let out a low moan and McCoy gasped. Even if this hadn't been the most erotic sex he had, it was probably the best. Trembling he laid next to Jim but refused to let go. He looked at him and saw the light in Jim's eyes.

Jim rested his head on McCoy's chest and listened to the steady heart beat that kept him tethered to the ground. He let his arm drape over the slim waist and he took in the scent that surrounded them. Slowly, without lifting his head, he gazed up and saw McCoy looking at him. The fingers of said Doctor were running through Jim's dark blonde hair and his eyes were on him.

"Leonard, I love you."

McCoy froze and his mouth opened slightly. "You called me Leonard."

Jim blushed in the dim light and nodded. "Mistake?"

McCoy shook his head and kissed Jim's forehead. "You've never called me that. I like it," he said and smiled softly.

The doubts he had about Jim before this started were gone from his mind. He could tell by the look in Jim's eyes, the way he had clung to McCoy, the tone of his voice when he said his first name, that Jim needed him as much as he needed Jim. He couldn't just leave him. As he continued to look into those mesmerizing blue eyes he smiled, "Love you too."

The silence fell over them again and Jim stared at the wall. "I'm the last one, you know that Bones? There aren't any Kirks left but me; no one to carry on the family name." His voice cracked as he continued to speak and McCoy was grateful that he was allowed to see Jim's vulnerable side again.

"None of them accepted me you know. To my mom I was too much like dad. To Sam I was an annoying little brother that lived because his Dad died and I was a freak that fell in love with my best friend. My grandparents died and told me that I would never live up to my dad." Jim's voice was soft and McCoy pulled him close.

"You know Jim, I didn't stick around because of who your dad was. I stayed because I couldn't pull away. I needed to be around you," he said and felt Jim's lips curl into a small smile. "You made me forget my wife, how she made me feel. I felt young again, wanted, needed."

McCoy looked at the ceiling, "If I hadn't met you I don't know if I would have ended up here. I was in pretty bad shape those first couple months we knew each other." He looked back at Jim, "What I'm trying to say is that…you're stuck with me kid."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Both men were silent for a while. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was reflective. It gave them both time to think on what had happened. Jim started tracing shapes on McCoy's arm and the Doctor started talking again.

"I should have been able to do more. Your brother shouldn't have died, Spock shouldn't be blind. You shouldn't have been in pain for so long."

Jim looked up at him, "We'll figure something out."

"I just wanted you to be happy Jim, that's all I've wanted for so long."

The young Captain propped himself up, his eyes on him. "Bones…Leonard. I may not be showing it, I may have other things weighing me down, but you make me happy. You have no idea how happy you make me."

McCoy looked at him and kissed his head. "If you say so."

"You remember what you just said, that I was stuck with you?" Jim smiled when McCoy nodded. "Well you are never getting rid of me."

The Doctor laughed. "Get some sleep Jim, you have to be tired."

For once, Jim nodded, "Love you."

"Love you too kid."

The next day Jim sat on the bridge, feeling good to be back there but missing Spock's presence. He knew that McCoy would do everything he could for Spock but it just wasn't the same without his friend there to tell him how stupid and childish he was being.

He was making a recording in his Captain's Log when the yeoman looked over and pointed, "Captain, it's Mister Spock!"

"Spock, you can see."

"Indeed Captain."

Jim looked at McCoy with a questioning look, but Spock spoke again. "It was a genetic trait Captain. The brightness of the Vulcan sun has caused our species to develop an inner eyelid. We ignore it, much like you ignore your appendix." Spock took his seat, his eyes going right to the scanners in front of him.

Jim looked at McCoy and Uhura and smirked before walking over and clasping his hands behind his back. "Mr. Spock, regaining eye sight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I presume, felt nothing."

"Quite the contrary Captain, I had a very strong reaction."

"Oh?" he responded.

"My first sight was the face of Doctor McCoy bending over me."

McCoy frowned but said in a good, sarcastic nature. "It's a pity that brief blindness did not increase your appreciation for beauty Mister Spock."

Jim and Uhura laughed when Spock's eyebrow rose. The Captain let Spock get back to his duties and took a seat in his chair.

"I should have known he would have come up with something like that."

Jim looked at McCoy, "What?"

"I said don't tell Spock I said he was the best First Officer in the Fleet."

Before Jim could respond Spock turned in his chair. "Thank you Doctor."

Jim laughed, "You were so worried about his eyes that you forgot about his hearing Bones. I'll say this though.'

McCoy looked at Jim with a frown, "What?"

"I didn't mind waking up to you bending over me."

The Doctor blushed, "Not an appropriate place to - "

"Shut up," Jim groaned and kissed him softly.


	12. Kirk-McCoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it - since I apparently can't remember to post a single completed chapter in a day I decided just to finish posting it. I hope you guys enjoyed it - and the little throw back to the Original Series.
> 
> The next Trek story I post will most likely be a Kirk/Spock. I, sadly, don't have any other completed Kirk/McCoy stories right now.

He didn't know if he had it in him. He just didn't know if he could do this. McCoy knew that he loved Jim more than anything but that's not what he was questioning. The Doctor's heart had been broken before; hell, it had been pulled out of his chest and stomped on by someone he thought could do no wrong. But, Jim was different.

Jim was the brother he never had. Jim was the best friend he always wanted. Jim was the lover he needed. Jim was his everything and McCoy didn't think he could survive if that was taken away from him. He thought about all the times that he had come close to losing the brash young man and felt his chest start to hurt. He never liked thinking about it, but it was something he had to do if he was even considering this. He had to think of what could happen if he made this choice; the pros and cons of it.

Jim was always going to be in constant danger. He was the youngest man to ever become a captain in Star Fleet. He got there by taking risks, by putting his life on the line, by putting his crew and people he didn't even know before himself.

On the other hand, McCoy was always there to patch Jim up. There was no one else that he would trust with Jim's welfare, and McCoy knew that there was no one else whom Jim trusted. The kid hated doctors but he let McCoy treat him no matter what.

The young Captain was just that; young. He was in his twenties, full of energy, strong, and vibrant. Jim still had hope and enthusiasm even after all of the horrible things that had happened to him as a child. McCoy was older, nearing his forties. The joy and hope had all gone from him after his marriage.

Then again, Jim made McCoy happy in a way that he couldn't describe. The only time he had ever felt that happy was when he was with his daughter, who seemed to treat him like he was the only thing in her world. Jim made him feel like that. Jim talked him out of his slumps, made sure he didn't go over the edge. Jim cared for him as if he was the most precious being in the galaxy.

McCoy sighed running his fingers through his hair. No matter what con he came up with he could counter with a pro. Maybe I'm just trying to find an excuse to be miserable for the rest of my life. I don't think I could be happy without him. What if he says no? Why would he say no? He's the one that fell for me first right? He has no reason to say no. What if he's scared to…what if he runs?

The Doctor groaned and let his head hit his desk. He knew what he wanted, but was it the right thing. His brown eyes looked at the chronometer on the wall and he smiled. McCoy deserved this and without another thought he left his office and headed to his quarters and sat down at his computer.

What he didn't realize was how hard it was to sneak around the ship and make plans for the man he loves when said man is the Captain. No matter what he did Jim would appear and he would have to hurry up and hide what he was doing. It didn't help that Jim was a genius. McCoy knew that he was putting the pieces together so he changed his plans three or four times in order to confuse him. At some point he had to enlist Spock's help so that he could set everything up.

McCoy didn't know how he did it but he did it. He got everything done and tonight was the night. He told Jim that he wanted them to have a date night, just sit back and relax, maybe watch a holo-vid. In the end McCoy decided that simple would be best. He knew that Jim, as much as the kid acted like it, didn't like things to be blown out of proportion; small things could be just as important as the big things.

He changed into a simple pair of jeans and a white t-shirt and he knew that Jim would show up in something similar. McCoy set up the recreation room that he had reserved, specifically the screen and sofa at the far end before making sure the small box was still in his pocket. His eyes kept checking the time as he sat there waiting for Jim to arrive.

It was five minutes after they were supposed to meet when the door finally slid open. McCoy turned around and saw that he was right; Jim was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a t-shirt just like he was. His eyes watched the sway of Jim's hips as he walked towards him before wrapping his arms around his waist. "You're late."

Jim smirked and kissed his neck, "Well, I didn't want to give you a heart attack by being on time. God knows your body can't take too many shocks in its old age."

The Doctor smirked and kissed him slowly. "This old body could teach yours a thing or two."

The Captain licked his lips and raised an unpracticed eyebrow, "I look forward to it." He rested his head on McCoy shoulder and simply took in the scent. Jim was tired from the last few missions. They had worn him down in ways that he didn't even think were possible, not to mention the losses he had suffered within the last year. He looked at McCoy and smiled, "So what's the plan Bones?"

"Snacks and a movie?"

Jim smiled and plopped down onto the little couch and watched as McCoy got the snacks from the replicators. It was really a nice setting; they had it to themselves, the stars were shining through the windows, and it was quiet and peaceful. They hadn't really had time alone in a long time.

When McCoy started the holo and finally sat down, Jim snuggled into his side and wrapped McCoy's arm around his shoulder. They poked at the pop corn and as the movie went on Jim ended up with his head in McCoy's lap.

McCoy didn't mind in the slightest, things were going just as he planned. He ran his fingers through Jim's hair slowly even though his heart was pounding in his chest. About halfway through the movie he shifted and Jim looked up at him.

"What's in you're pocket Bones…or you just happy to see me?"

He laughed and shrugged at Jim, "Why don't you find out for yourself babe?"

Now that sparked Jim's interest. Without sitting up, Jim reached in and his eyes narrowed in curiosity as he felt the squared shape. He pulled the box out and studied it before a look of comprehension crossed his features.

"Go ahead." McCoy said softly, his eyes taking in the reactions that came across his lover's face. He watched as Jim opened the box and studied the ring that was kept inside.

It was silver and had two sapphires connected by a series of small diamonds. It was simple and nothing too flashy; a representation of them. Jim stared at it, playing with it in his fingers, his eyes wide as he realized what was really happening, what McCoy was asking him.

Soon, the silence was becoming deafening and McCoy couldn't take it anymore. He stroked Jim's cheek and smiled softly when the blonde looked up at him, "Well?"

Jim smiled and slid the ring onto his left hand before changing his position and kissing McCoy in a slow, deep manner. His hands snaked around his neck and he pulled McCoy on top of him, never wanting to break the kiss.

Regrettably, he was human and he had to pull back for air. Jim took in McCoy's flushed face and smiled, "Does that answer your question, Bones?"

He gave him a sly smile, "I think I need to feel it again."

Jim laughed and pulled McCoy's body to his, giving him another sensual kiss. In the back of his mind Jim was jumping for joy. In the back of McCoy's mind he knew that he had done the right thing; that he would and could be happy again, that he would give anything to see Jim like this. Totally his and totally vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for following along and being so patient!


End file.
